Booksmart, Lacks Common Sense

I found myself taking the Census test today.

I think its amusing that I would say "I found myself" when really I choose to get up, drive down the the EDD (Employment Development Department) to take the test.

In any case, the test itself was very easy for me. I finished first, turned in my work and then went to fill out the rest of my application. Not only had I left my resume in the car, I suddenly realized that I didn't have my social security card OR my driver's license. In fact, I probably would leave my brain at home if it weren't actually inside my head which is luckily, attached to my body. I had to go back home to get them so I could complete my application.

Funny, I don't remember being so forgetful.

One lady came out to where I was:
Lady: Wow, you finished fast.
MissD: It was easy...
Lady: Really? I thought some of the questions were like, I don't know...
MissD: ummm, except for the math. The math was kinda hard. (It wasn't, actually)
Lady: I got a little bit stuck on some of the questions but not the math, that was easy.
MissD: Good for you. I never did well in math in high school. (I didn't. It's easier now for some reason.)

I later found out that there were alot of people who didn't pass the test. I found myself making excuses for myself to not be any good. After all, I can be very forgetful.

Guy: I only got six right.
MissD: Well I sort of rushed through it. I'll bet I got alot wrong.
Guy: Six right!
MissD: You can always take it again. Don't give up!

Woman: Wow, you sure finished fast.
Savvy: Yeah, I've always been really book smart, but lacking in common sense sometimes. I guess it balances out.

You need 10 right to pass and possibly get hired, but 20 to get hired before 2008 ends. Suddenly I was wondering how I did. I mean, I knew I would pass, but would I score high enough to maybe get a slightly higher level job? How many Recessionistas am I competing against?

I was nervous as my test was scored...

I got 24 out of 28.

MissD: Should I take it again?
Census: That was one of the highest scores.
MissD: Well, I was interested in some of the lead positions since I have experience with surveys.
Census: Your score is high enough that they might offer you that right away.
MissD: Really? But should I take it again just to be sure?
Census: You're a perfectionist, aren't you?
MissD: A little. I sort of feel bad that I got any wrong at all. Maybe I went too fast. There was plenty of time to go back and check again and I didn't.
Census: Oh, you silly girl. Get out before I kick you out. You're fine!! (She was a really cute, tiny Vietnamese lady, so it was even funnier.)
MissD: OK. Well, thank you so much.

So I did well on the test. But I tend to rush and make snap decisions. I need to slow down and look before I leap. I also need to go ahead and shine when I do something well.

And finally, working for the census may be a great way to transition out of teaching, if that's what I decide to actually do. The Census is temporary full-time work that won't return in 10 years. This will look outstanding on my resume whether I get out of teaching or start working for the National Park Service as a Park Ranger or something insane like that.

The "I ain't got no insurance" Blues

What's a girl to do when her insurance runs out? Get religion and start praying? Well, I do attend church. It's partly because I get paid to sing in the choir. Some guy called it "spirituality for hire". I call it singing for my supper.

Back to insurance...

Since church is a workplace, I am covered there by work comp.

If I get injured at home, maybe my parents homeowners insurance will cover me. I have no doubt that slipping on a pile of papers on the stairs constitutes negligence on the part of Mom and Dad. (God love them, but the house is a bit messy.)

If I get injured at school--either as a sub or with the after school program, I'm covered by work comp--even though the system completely sucks.

If I get into a car accident, I upped my insurance coverage to include a hefty amount of medical coverage. Let's hope that doesn't happen as my neck hasn't yet recovered from the last one.

I'm all covered--just so long as I don't step on a crack in the sidewalk and hurt myself--hey wait--then I could sue the city!

Where there's a will, there's a way!!

Bitter Teachers

If anyone has a right to be bitter right now, it's me. I accepted a part-time gig teaching music in an after school program. It's a huge step down in pay. I was asked to teach guitar, even though I have never done that, and I said yes.

Coordinator: MissD, this is the facilitating teacher.
MissD: Nice to meet you. Would you mind facilitating carrying this box for me? It's kind of heavy. (I do have that torn rotator cuff, after all.)
Facilitator: Sure, no problem.

I was stuck in the cafeteria with a bunch of other kids who were doing homework and talking while I was trying to teach. I was yelling. I had to ask several times for those children to be kept quiet.

What fun when I got to the school and made a mistake in front of the Facilitating Teacher.

Facil: You're doing it wrong.
MissD: I'm sorry?
Facil: You're doing it wrong. You're not telling them the right strings.
MissD: Excuse me, but may I speak to you privately?
Facil: Sure.
MissD: Do you mind if I make a mistake to not speak to me that way in front of the children?
Facil: Well you're doing it wrong. You can't teach them the wrong things.
MissD: I apologize that I reversed it, I've never taught guitar before.
Facil: So you don't have any guitar experience?
MissD: It's been awhile.
Facil: They promised you would be qualified. I should be teaching this class but the district wouldn't let me.
MissD: I'm sorry that they district wouldn't let you teach the class, but please don't take that out on me.

I then turned back to my little class while he stormed off to complain about me. Meanwhile I called my company. They later complained about me being flip by asking the man to carry something, didn't seem happy to meet anyone and the staff didn't like me. My next question...

Are you seriousss? So you want me to stop the world because YOU wanted to teach the guitar class? Teach it, then!! I had just driven 27 miles for 1/4 of the hourly pay I get as a certified teacher with no benefits and only teach 2 hours.

I get $30 dollars for 2 hours.

GET OUT OF MY FACE!!!

Being A Sub Sucks

I forgot how much it sucks to be a sub. I've only been on one assignment. OK, OK, part of the problem is that I got sick with, as I mentioned to a friend, Alot of symptoms.

I still feel like my head is floating about an inch outside of my skull, but that's a considerable improvement from floating about a yard above my head. Oh how it bobbled in the breeze when I tried to drive to the mall to pay my credit card off. Thank God that I didn't owe anything because

I haven't really made anything!!!! 1 freaking day of work.

Wow, I'm underwhelmed by all the money I'm NOT making. I believe I've joined the ranks of the gainfully underemployed. Bonus to me, I can get my student loans deferred.

On the side, I 've been searching for some extra stuff. And at least I don't come home from work overwhelmed and totally drained like I was when I was teaching choir last year. I suggested to that same friend that he hire me as his temp, since he really is too highly paid to be doing his own filing. They used to shoo me away from the files when I was a graduate assistant because they had undergraduates for that. I was getting paid only $13 an hour or something ridiculous like that. He makes oooodles more and certanly SHOULD have an assistant to do his filing and get his coffee. Plus he took me out to dinner and to see the improv.

Seriously, who subs anyway?
Let's see, my former Spanish teacher who just retired, kids who are waiting for an elementary teacher to die so that they can take over the 2nd grade class (seriously, it's that hard to get a job teaching elementary school), college students who want to be teachers, pedophiles and those who might be hoping to engage in sexual misconduct with a precocious teen. (Once they are adolescents, it's no longer pedophelia.) And then there's me. I feel truly humbled to go back to it after having my own music classes last year and I wonder if education is really the right place for me.

Just like starting oooooover!!

Being Misssss D (My alignersss make me lisssp)

I got clear braces (Like Invisalign but not Invisalign. My system is called Simpli5 because there are only 5 trays.)

Sure, it's great to know that my teeth are being straightened. I have alot of sympathy for my students that have braces. Though I told them if they didn't get to work, I would tell my former classmate who is now an orthodontist to make sure he tightened their braces really hard. I know first hand exactly how painful it is to try to eat when you just got your braces adjusted or, in my case, I just got a new set of trays.

They also make me lisp something fierce. Talk about detrimental to your career.

One of my classes started calling me Misssss D. Of course, I also started emphasizing the lisp so we could have some more fun. Then they started asking me questions that I had to answer with s words.

MissD: It's time for the quiz, so everyboyd ssssssshhhh. I'm very good at shhhh since I got my new alignersss.
Student: Missss, do you have a pencil?
MissD: Mmmhmmm. But I know what you want me to say.
Student: What's that?
MissD: Yessss, ssssweetie, here'ssss a penccccil. Now ssstart your sssciencccce tesssst.
Student: Wait! I thought it was a quiz.
MissD: Yesss, but tessst has an ssss. Now get to work.

Honestly, if you think it's funny too, you realize that kids are more open about what they think is funny or embarrassing. What a pressure cooker. I also reminded them that while it was/is funny, that they also need to remember to be respectful and get work done. Kids don't realize that their laughter can hurt so much. I view teasing as an initiaion tactic, not a sign of hatred.

Just the day before I called ssssome of my friendsss when the lisssp wasss really pronounccced becaussse I figured it was worth a few laughsss. So, I really am good natured and easily amused. I can see why they think it's funny because I was fairly amused by it. In fact, I was more amused than some of my friends.

Misss: Come on, don't you get a kick out of me?
Jeff: Sometimes.
Misss: Come on sssweetie! Give usss a sssmile! It's back to ssschool timesss. You're like Eeyore and I'm like Tigger.
Jeff: I never thought about it that way.
Misss: Yep. They're bouncy, trouncy, ppouncy, flouncy, fun fun fun fun fun!! The wonderful thing about Tiggers is IIIIIIIII'm the only one!!
Jeff: I don't remember those songs.
Misss: Eeyore is the the donkey. He didn't have a song I don't think. I'm going to add an s to your name. You are now Jeffsssy.
Jeffsssy: I need to get back to thinking about how I'm not sure going back to finish my PhD was really the right thing to do.
Misss: Sssssure, sssweet ssstuff. Don't think ssso hard, though. May I sssugesst Lexxxxapro?

I walk a fine line between cute and annoying. You can sort of see why I would find an eighth grade science class fun. (Ssscienssse classss!!)

They Miss Me!!!

Myspace has its positive points. One of my girls from last year decided to drop me a line. She doesn't like the new choir teacher. She said a few people including her miss me!! That made me feel special.

So maybe that means they miss my bell bottoms, too!!!

Of course I want the new choir teacher to be successful. But what she says the new teacher is doing probably won't help. My former student reported that she made the High School kids write standards--something that they do in Junior High!!

For those who don't know, writing standards is the 21st century very helpful equivalent to the 18th cenury practice of writing something 100 times. Aks Bart Simpson if it really works.

I will not give the new choir teacher hell.
I will not give the new choir teacher hell.
I will not give the new choir teacher hell.
I will not give the new choir teacher hell.
I will not give the new choir teacher hell.
I will not give the new choir teacher hell.
I will not give the new choir teacher hell.
I will not give the new choir teacher hell.
I will not give the new choir teacher hell.
I will not give the new choir teacher hell.
I will not give the new choir teacher hell.
I will not give the new choir teacher hell.
I will not give the new choir teacher hell....

Fingerprints Finally Clear

Yippee!! My fingerprints cleared and now I can go back to substititute teaching.

I'm trying to be thankful rather than bitter.

I just found out about a part time choral opportunity near me working with K-5 kids. It sounds like it could be really lovely. That combined with substitute teaching might be a great opportunity--a jumping off point into something better than what I had before. Perhaps I might be able to find a music job at a church.

My Favorite Things

Cortisone shots in my shoulder and ankle
These are a few of my favorite things!!

My shoulder isn't getting any better. 1 year of conducting and piano lessons and my shoulder is still a national disaster area. I wonder if the President will visit me soon...

I got another cortisone shot in my should and I really did start singing to my doctor about cortisone shots are among my favorite things. I will be rewriting the whole song to chronicle my medical adventures this year.

This shot didn't hurt as badly as the other ones--a pleasant surprise after the doctor warning me that the cold spray only anesthetises the surface. But don't be fooled, it still hurt. In fact the bonus pain has extended into today. It's just that the last shot to my shoulder had me crying and shouting. The shot to my ankle added pounding on the wall 10 times in rapid succession so that the person in the room next door got quite a scare.

What really hurt is that he started talking about arthroscopic surgery to fix the tear in my rotator cuff. I was hoping not to have to do that, but let's face facts. It stilll hurts. It isn't healing as fast as it "should."

If I had the surgery, I wouldn't be able to work at all for awhile. Who ever heard of a substitute teacher who can't write on the board? Unless I practice really hard with my left. Then the kids would make fun of me for my awful writing. Is that English, Miss Diaz? It looks like Chinese!! I would laugh too. I could have one of the kids write on the board. They love that. But if I didn't work, my old school district would have to pay out disability--which I love. They deserve much more than that actually. But I still don't love the idea of having to have it. But there is such a long list of things that I can't do anymore.

I don't even touch the piano anymore. Typing hurts sometimes and that's my only outlet. I've switched everything possible to my left hand. I've been trying to bowl, play volleyball, fish left handed with often embarrassing results. I don't dance anymore--I used to dance all the time. Swing, salsa and tango are all out for me now because partner dances involve the guy spinning the lady with her right arm. I can't dance folklorico with the big skirts anymore because moving the skirt kills my right shoulder. Dance was my favorite excercise. I can't even do yoga anymore because I can't do the upper body things evenly. There will be no downward facing dog for me. I used to fence in college, this weekend I am going to learn how to fence left handed. I can't even go to the shooting range because my aim is so bad and it hurts my shoulder. I used to be a good shot.

And this appointment, I still found myself wanting to call the only other person I know who has a shoulder injury from music-related activities. It hurts that we can't seem to fix things between us. I saw him recently and didn't speak to him except a terse hello. I'm sure his shoulder still hurts too.

At least my doctor and the office got a nice laugh out of me singing. I'm quite the office drama queen. They love me because I entertain them.

Fingerprints Delayed

One of the great wonders of our modern world, Live Scan, has major issues too. For some reason, the little lady that does the fingerprints at one office always gives everyone a lecture about not caring for their hands. She tells everyone what handcream to go out and buy.

You have to take care of your hands if you're going to work in education these days.

Huh?

Do you think that the police give lectures on this when they pick up a criminal?

Nay, friends, nay. They just just use a spray bottle filled with water to "moisturize" and then press really hard.

In fact, fingerprinting has always had a few issues. In the days of ink and paper, they didn't lecture anyone about using a quality moisturizer. My dad used to do fingerprinting for the Army and he prided himself on the art of the perfect fingerprinting card. It was the only art my dad ever did, so he should be proud. The art of good fingerprinting lies with the fingerprinter, not the fingerprintee.

In any case, there is some delay in getting my fingerprints approved.
Will my secret life of crime be unearthed?
A life so secret that I don't even know about it?

Tune in again soon for the continuing chronicle of a slightly bitter choir teacher returning to substitute teaching.

Part-Time and Overqualified Blues

I have been offered two interviews this week. But there are pros and cons to both.

Job 1 Part-time choir teacher
Hour long commute
only two days a week
Supplement by working as a substitute teacher.
Would not be able to take any long-term substitute teaching jobs.
No benefits

Job 2 Teaching Artist
30 hours a week
$30 per hour
Would have to move
Would have to pay rent
No benefits

See, they can cheat you if they make the job available to those without teaching credentials. Maybe I would be able to buy in on the health insurance.
My doctors would be very far away and I still have two open work comp injuries, and a car accident case that is also still unsettled.

-----------------------------

I bet my dad rent for a year if Serena Williams won the US Open last Sunday. I won. That's a great motivation to stick around.

Of course, I think my consolation prize may have been the same arrangement.

The Show Must Go On

I sang in my first jazz showcase. Some things went great, some not so great. It sort of bothers me that I paid an accompanist for his rehearsal time and he still made a mistake--a big one. And then I made a mistake based on some of those mistakes. I have learned that I have to remind the band of things we discussed even if I did had a rehearsal the day before. I am a perfectionist. I wanted everything to go off without a hitch. But it didn't happen that way. Instead, it was an imperfect document of where I am now, things I need to work on and things that went well. I've learned that I have to choose my songs even more wisely. I've learned that I have to be even more memorized. I've learned that for being a conductor, I have to learn how to stand up for myself in front of a jazz combo and take control of the music rather than let them hijack something into a direction I don't want to go.

A friend of mine made me feel really good about the mistakes I dealt with that evening.
Friend: You did really well, you have a great voice. How long have you been singing jazz?
MissD: Two months.
Friend: You're in a transition. You'll be fine. You just have to let go of that perfectionistic tendancy.
MissD: Yes, that's true. In classical music everything is regulated note for note, jazz is much freer. I just have to learn to roll with it if things don't go my way.

How does this apply to choir? Kids need to understand all of these things too. They need to realize that it takes more rehearsal than anyone thinks it takes. You have to know a song hot, cold, rainy, while a tsunami hits or while a tornado approaches. When you are a kid, you think you know everything. You think you know it, but you've only heard it. You think you know it, but you forget a few words. You think you know it, but you aren't always singing in tune. Finally you know it, but you must also be able to interpret. Choir is just as much of a learning experience as performing. What keeps songs fresh is that each day you must find within yourself yet a new way of singing it and new way of connecting with the text.

And lastly, I have to think about what I'm going to do with the rest of my time while I'm substitute teaching. Not only are these activities going to be music related, they will also need to be profit oriented. At least that's the hope!!

Thank You Letter

Dear School District,
I just wanted to write to you to thank you for wasting all of our time. Your 50% music position will most likely be a boon to someone much closer--say a student near there or a stay at home mom. That's why I called before driving 1.5 hours and 4 gallons of gas. An interview that would have been a waste of time, and me out, almost $40 just in gas. I'm really going to move that far for a 50% position for which I had to call you and ask the right questions upfront.

Is this a new position? Yes.
What's the pay that I would be getting half of? Half of whatever the flyer said.
Are there benefits? No.

Can you imagine moving an hour and a half for that BS? Yeah. Me either.

My blog description

What my blog description used to be:

Welcome to my class! I'm Miss D!!! I love music and can't imagine teaching anything else. I love and hate my job. It is sometimes rewarding, often painful, extremely stressful and sometimes gives you great joy.

What it is now:

I was a Choir Teacher last year with the most horrible job anyone could imagine. I started this blog to help me deal with it. This year I'm back at substitute teaching since I couldn't find another choir job. My COBRA insurance ran out. Heaven help me.

Gun-totin' Teachers

I thought about getting a concealed weapon permit when my school was under lockdown after being threatened with a driveby. I asked an ex-boyfriend to take me to the shooting range because I was just plain scared. I'm definitely in favor of allowing people to carry a weapon--and this is protected by the Second Ammendment.

But at school? After discovering how hard it really was to load some of those handguns, I dropped my quest for a permit. I used to be a good shot before I had the torn rotator cuff problem (thanks to piano and conducting!) Plus I didn't think I would have a legal leg to stand on if a kid got ahold of my weapon.

After the tragedies of Columbine, Virginia Tech, etc. Carrying a weapon just might be wise. Maybe kids would have a little more respect for a gun-totin' teacher. A little fear might be nice. I'm imagine the possibility of kids actually sitting in their seats, ready to learn, not being so afraid of being mowed down or knifed by another student. Maybe I should become a part-time cop...

In any case, the pluses and minuses are for you to decide. One school district in Texas has already made their decision.

MySpace Makes Me Sad Sometimes

One of my former students sent a friend request to me and I accepted it. I was glad I did because she apologised to me for having been so bad in my class. It made me feel better a little somehow--even though I ended up not returning to that school.

She sent an email asking if I was OK and if I was having a good summer. I was finally going to answer because I finally recovered from a depression and frequent migraines as I recovered from the job. I just couldn't answer. It must have meant the whole world to here, because I finally went to answer a few days ago, I realized she had "unfriended" me on MySpace. That means I can't write to her because she has her profile set to private. It's OK. I'll manage to get over it somehow. I'll have a whole new crop of students next year--or maybe I wont. I don't know yet.